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· Children need safe loving environments with clear boundaries to grow and develop well
· If you understand normal child behaviour it is easier to manage
· Ask for help if you are concerned about your child’s behaviour- early help works better
(From The Ministry of Social Development SKIP website advice on positive parenting strategies)
1. Love and warmth
This builds the bonds of trust, love and positive self-esteem.
2. Talking and listening
Talking with children, listening to what they say and giving clear messages strengthens confident and healthy relationships
3. Guidance and understanding
Children are more likely to co-operate when they understand why we require things of them. Straightforward explanations inspire greater co-operation.
4. Limits and boundaries
Rules keep things safe and fair for the whole family. They need to teach mostly ‘what we do’ rather than ‘what we don’t do’. They need to work for everyone – for children and parents.
5. Consistency and consequences
Consistency involves predictability. From an early age, children learn that an action has consequences.
6. A structured and secure world
Safe, supportive environments provide security and reduce conflict.
The Ministry of Social Development Strategies with Kids Information for Parents has many resources including general parenting guidance such as six principles discipline checklist, staying calm, using time out effectively, temperament.
They have helpful tips for many common problems such as
· the B4 school check includes the Strengths and Difficulties (SDQ) questionnaires for parents and Early Childhood Education teachers to complete
· The SDQ has 25 questions about children’s behaviour including strengths and difficulties
· If concerns are identified they will be discussed with you by the B4 School check provider
· Getting help early for behaviour difficulties is important as intervention is more effective with younger children
There are many parenting courses available to help with parenting skills. These include
PEPE (Parenting Education Programme) is a Plunket-developed national programme which currently consists of a series of four courses, aimed at supporting first time parents in their parenting role, free to all participants:
· Your New Baby – Parenting in the first six weeks
· Your Growing Baby - Parenting from 6 weeks to 1 year
· Your Active Toddler – Parenting from 1 to 2 years
· Your Curious Young Child – Parenting from 2 to 3 years on
There is also a dads only course, called Dads4Dads. This course is designed for fathers of children under 1 year old, facilitated by dads and covers key issues that relate to parenting and fatherhood.
Parenting Inc http://www.theparentingplace.com/index.php runs Hot Tips seminars around NZ, 6 week group Toolbox courses, workshops at the Parenting place, a bookshop and publishes Parenting magazine.
Parents Centre has a network of 50 centres around the country and offers a range of parent education courses. See http://www.parentscentre.org.nz/
Incredible Years is a 12-16 week parenting programme for parents of children aged 3-8 years. It involves weekly sessions of around two hours. Over the weeks, parents develop strategies to build positive relationships with their children and to manage problem behaviours. They come to group sessions each week, talk through what has, or hasn’t worked, set goals for what they want to happen and ways to achieve those goals during the following week.
Topics covered include:
- how to play/spend special time together
- praising and rewarding children
- communicating positively
- setting limits
- dealing with disobedience, selectively using distractions, ignoring, time out and other penalties
- helping children to problem-solve.
· The Incredible Years programme is extensively tested. With a 25 year history, the programme now operates successfully in a wide range of countries. Programmes in New Zealand show reductions in problem behaviour across a range of families and cultures.
· For information about Incredible Years programmes in your local area contact your nearest Ministry of Education office. For more general information about the Incredible Years programmes, visit www.incredibleyears.com for more information about the Incredible Years programmes.
Triple P has been developed and scientifically proven over 30 years by The University of Queensland Parent and Family Support Centre, with international collaboration. The system is widely in use throughout Australia and increasingly, throughout the world. It includes a variety of options including individual counselling, group programmes, seminars and self help home based options. For more information see http://www1.triplep.net/. There is a cost to these courses.
· Kids are Worth It: Barbara Coloroso
· Of Course I love You, NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM. Diane Levy
· Toddler Taming. Christopher Green
· How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, published by Quill.
· Siblings without Rivalry. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, published by Harper Trade